gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she told me i tasted like america
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
