Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
