Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
