maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
