so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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