Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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