so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
