You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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