dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
