They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
