So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
