Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
