im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
