I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
