What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
