So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
