That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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