dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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