im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
