and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
