Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
