just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
