...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
