Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
