Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize