she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
