I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
