I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
