you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
