how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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