So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
zippers are such a cool invention
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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