Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
