I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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