well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
