I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
