Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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