I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You can't just leave with hair like that
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
