kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
