I'm going to rape someone's good day.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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