Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
