come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
