I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
