I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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