just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
