I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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