well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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