Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
