I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
