Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
