the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
