he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
