It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize