just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
