Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
