Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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