if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
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Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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