It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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