If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
