he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
