new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
