The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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