Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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