I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
