he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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