According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
