I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
