He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
