I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize