the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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