I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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