just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
