Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
3 2 1 whiskey
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
