...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
