My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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