# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
two words: eviction party
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
