I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
