While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just had sex bonerless
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
