what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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