He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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