I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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